26.2 .....In Their Shoes

I have been thinking about this blog for a while now. I wanted to write it last weekend, but I just couldn’t bring myself to doing it. Not because I didn’t have the time or because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t really know what to say, which translates into nothing to write. I know what you’re thinking…..Heather not know what to say?? It’s not possible! :)

Sure, I could have written about how many miles I ran and biked over the last few weeks. I could have written about how my body is starting to feel tired and sometimes a little sore, how I have blisters on my blisters, I need new running socks, new shoes, how I need to start thinking about a game plan for this race, or I could have written about how (typical of me) I procrastinated in starting to train and I am feeling a little anxious about this distance. I could have written about all, or any, of that but really, do you want to read another blog regurgitating all of those bland and mundane things? Me either! And I definitely don’t want to sit down and write about all of that boring stuff! :) So, I have been stuck for the last week with no inspiration for my writing…..until Wednesday.

Wednesday, I was feeling a little overwhelmed, for all of the above listed reasons. It was getting to be the end of my work day and while walking to my car I was having an internal discussion with myself about running after work, to run or not to run, that was the question. My kids had been with their dad for the previous 12 days, so I had had the extremely rare opportunity of working out for hours at a time for consecutive days and had taken full advantage of that. Because of this, as well as other contributing factors, I was feeling a little tired and worn out and my last two runs had felt just kind of blah. So, that internal dialog went kind of like this; “Ahhhhh, work is over! Now, to run. Oh, but I feel a little worn down right now, maybe I will just go home tonight and go to bed early instead. No, the kids are coming home in a couple of days and I will get a break then, I should go run. Maybe I will just do a short run, put in a couple of easy miles tonight. No, I’ve been putting off a longer run for days, 7 miles minimum, I can rest on Friday”……and you get the picture! :)

In the days previous to this, overall, I had been feeling very upbeat about the whole full marathon adventure. I have had amazing support from friends and family, I have lots of new music for my ipod (with special thanks to Penny!) and a picture of Ace to keep me going when I felt like stopping. I also had a huge boost to my motivation with reminders through Sam’s/Tiff’s blogs (Operation Jack) in which they talk about the difficulties that Autism has brought to their beautiful son, Jack, and their family, and all of the Love they have for Jack. And my own family, whose love for Ace I get to experience first hand and whose immense amount of love and support for me has been almost overwhelming (in a really great way)! Then add the fact that OJ just received $20,000 from Chase Community Giving and I was overflowing with emotion and motivation! But, at the same time, I am human…..and I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Like I said, I was feeling tired, a little worn out and my runs just didn’t have much energy behind them, hence the internal debate about taking a night off (knowing full well that I have three days of easy work outs right around the corner). Then something happened. I was walking to my car, still trying to talk myself out of talking myself out of a run, and it hit me like a ton of bricks….I’m going for a run!

The thing that hit me was this….I can choose! I have the choice, I get to weigh my options and decide what I want to do. So I decided that I was going to run for exactly that reason, because I could choose not to run. I know, Huh?!

I started thinking about Sam and Tiff and their family and about Ace and my own family and all of the trials and difficulties they face when dealing with Autism. They don’t have a choice when it comes to dealing with the effects of Autism on their daily lives and the choices they have to make daily. And the boys don’t have a choice when it comes to their trials in daily life. When they are feeling overwhelmed, they don’t get to have an internal dialog and weigh the options on how to deal with those feelings. I thought about what it would be like to be in their shoes, for even just one day, and deal with the trials they have to deal with every day. So, I decided I was going to run, because I could choose not to!

I did run Wednesday night. I drove myself to the gym and ran on the treadmill for 7 miles and I felt great! When I was finished running, I took a quick shower to rinse off, put on my swimsuit and swam a handful of laps in the pool as well. I left feeling revived and ready to start a new week of training.

Since then, the kids have come home from their Dad’s house and this weekend we have just hung out and did a little swimming. The last few days I have taken it easy, my blisters have healed, I have gotten a little extra rest and my body feels strong again. Tuesday I start adding a morning workout to my schedule and I have a couple of more weeks to push for some longer running distances. I’m feeling good and confident again.

I’m going to be completely honest, this distance is intimidating for me and I am a little scared. But, I know that I can do it and will do it. I will finish 26.2 miles. It may take me a long time, but I will finish. And anytime I am feeling tired and sore and feel like I can’t finish it, all I have to do is think about the fact that I only have to get through 26.2 miles without the choice of giving up, all I have to do is think “26.2 and then I can choose”. I will finish, I will hurt and it will be hard, but I will finish. It isn’t much, but the very least I can do to honor those two beautiful little boys and their amazing families is this, I can choose to run 26.2…..in their shoes.